Do you struggle in getting started with achieving your goals? Do you get overwhelmed and quit before you even start? In this week’s episode I want to talk about how you can change your mindset to help you work through the blocks that are keeping you from living the kind of life you want.
“The important thing about a problem is not its solution, but the strength we gain in finding the solution.”
—Seneca
One of the hardest things for me to achieve the goals that I have set for myself is that while I know what I want to achieve, I often project out too far and see all the hard things I have to overcome and then get bogged down in all obstacles in my path on the way to my goals. This creates that feeling of overwhelm and anxiety, which often stops me from even starting or procrastinating even when I know what to do. This creates that sense of despair and catastrophizing over future failures that may never happen.
So I sat down this morning and started journaling about this and decided to examine where I wasn’t applying the tools I have that I share with you all the time on this podcast. I know that it may seem like I have it all together and that I’m super productive, but I’m just as human as you are and I struggle with many of the same things you do. This podcast is my way of taking what I’ve learned and figuring out how to apply it in my own life and share it with you, and hope that you find it useful as well.
Comfort Zone and Self Sabotage
It's easy to get stuck while trying to achieve our goals. We imagine the future as we would like it to be, and think of how hard it is to get there, and often don’t take action. Worse, we often self-sabotage ourselves and do things that actually make it harder for us in the long run. We do this because, in a paradoxical way, it keeps us safe. If we don't take the steps needed because we’re afraid, then we have an excuse of why we failed. We blame it on anxiety, lack of skills, or maybe on external circumstances. Failing to act leads to a certain outcome and we like certainty, even if it's not to our benefit.
Dreaming big feels good because we can imagine how great our life will be once we get there. But to actually go out and take action stretches us and puts us outside our comfort zone, so we retreat to what we know is safe—doing nothing and not taking steps to accomplish what we desire. Then we beat up on ourselves and feel guilty because we feel like there’s something wrong with us. We blame ourselves for being lazy or unmotivated or not “wanting it enough”. We might comfort ourselves by convincing ourselves that maybe we don’t really want it in the first place.
This is why so many of us never accomplish what we want.
Here are some ideas to consider when you’re setting goals and trying decide what you want accomplish.
Choose Goals for Who You Want to Become
“Every difficulty in life presents us with an opportunity to turn inward and to invoke our own inner resources. The trials we endure can and should introduce us to our strengths. Prudent people look beyond the incident itself and seek to form the habit of putting it to good use. On the occasion of an accidental event, don’t just react in a haphazard fashion: remember to turn inward and ask what resources you have for dealing with it. Dig deeply. You possess strengths you might not realize you have. Find the right one. Use it.”
—Epictetus
The most important part when trying to achieve your goals is to consider what kind of a person you will become in trying to achieve your goal. Will it help you grow in the kind of person you want to be? Will you get to step out of your comfort zone? Will you become wiser, kinder, more courageous, and more disciplined? In short, will it improve your character? A goal should be pursued because of the type of person it will change you into, not for the external reward. It should be pursued because of the growth that it will require and who you will be when you try to accomplish your goal.
Often we work on outside goals to distract us from the inner work. We're so busy doing external things that we ignore or don't have to pay attention to what's going on inside. This is why so many people work hard to get something only to find that it didn't bring them the satisfaction they were expecting. Their success actually brought them only temporary joy. But when you focus on the goal as a means to change and grow, then achieving the goal is a side benefit. The change within you is the lasting and ultimately more fulfilling aspect of your striving. Even if you fail, you will have grown. By choosing goals where our primary desire is to create change in ourselves, it makes it easier to stick to it with things are tough.
Imagine Your Everyday Future
Another challenge that we face is that we imagine what it will be like to achieve our dream, but we forget to think about what the things are that we will be doing when we get there. For example, if we pursue our dream job, do we consider all the tasks that we will have to do as part of that work, or do we only consider the position, the money, the ego boost, etc.—all things that are external and really have nothing to do with what we would actually be doing.
We need to consider what our day to day work would look like. Are you doing things that you want to do every day? If you get that new position would you be stuck in meetings all day? Would you have to do things that go against your principles? Those who fail to really consider what the day to day work of achieving their goals looks like are often miserable when they actually get what they thought they wanted.
Understand the Problem
“Completely understanding the problem is the same things as knowing the solution.”
—Breanna Wiest
Often we fail to accomplish what we want because we don’t really understand the problem we’re trying to solve. When you run into obstacles on you path, before making a decision, do your best to truly understand the problem your facing. If you deeply understand the issues, then solutions and opportunities become more apparent. At the very least, you’ll have a clearer idea of what you might need to learn in order to solve it.
Again, this is where taking some time to plan helps you to break things apart into smaller pieces, allowing you to examine them more closely and understand what it will take to solve the task at hand. It also reduces anxiety because you’re able to remove as many unknown aspects as possible.
Planning Small Steps
“Show me one person who cares how they act, someone for whom success is less important than the manner in which it is achieved. … Who pays attention to the process of planning, not just the outcome?”
—Epictetus
It's the small consistent steps that will move you towards what you’re trying to accomplish, not big grandiose moments that you imagine. They don't happen without all the little steps beforehand. Once you have that vision of what you want to accomplish, start working backwards. What needs to be in place before you reach that goal? What’s the step before that? And the one before that? Do this enough times, and you have the steps you need to get there.
This is why planning is important, which is something that I struggle with. Part of my struggle comes from seeing where I want to go, but not knowing for sure how to get there. I have had those moments where I can see the whole picture and I know that it's possible. But often when I plan out what it’s going to take to accomplish something, I feel anxious about all the work I’ll have to put in to get my big dreams accomplished.
Something I’ve been working on is to focus on taking a step each day and being present with that action. I don’t worry about all the things in the future, just what I need to get done today. That consistency of action each day moves me forward little by little, rather than wallowing in the fear of all the hard work today. It’s like the old saying goes, “How do you eat a whale? One bite after the next.”
Consider What you Get to Do
One small mind shift that you can apply is that rather than having anxiety about all the steps and the hard work that you have to put in, you can look forward to them. You don't HAVE to do them, you GET to do them. Each step you take is one that helps you to be a stronger and more resilient person. I use this thinking when I go to the gym. I don’t have to go to the gym and lift all that heavy weight that makes me sore. Instead, I get to go to the gym each day and get stronger and more fit.
Each step you take, each task you accomplish is just one more thing you get to do to move you closer to your destination. This helps to change your mindset from one of duty and struggle to one of gratitude and appreciation.
Welcome Failure
“Failure is just missed expectations.”
—Erick Cloward
As I’ve said before, failure is just missed expectations. We are the ones that set the parameters of what we consider a success or failure and when we don’t reach our expectations, we call it a failure. But that’s the funny thing—we’re the ones in charge of what we consider a success or failure. When we don’t meet our expectations, there are a few things we can do.
Consider that your expectations might be unrealistic. Maybe you thought you’d get more done by a certain date. Maybe you thought you’d master something more quickly, or that you’d be better at something than you actually are. It is within your power to change those expectations, and in some cases, you’re probably better off getting rid of them. Doing so can allow you to have a more realistic view of a situation, making it easier to to deal with what is, and make choices that are more appropriate to the challenge you’re dealing with.
Next is to see what you can learn from your failures. Anything that didn’t work out the way you want is just another data point. Look at it with curiosity. Why did your expectations not meet reality? Did you make some assumptions that were overly optimistic? Were there factors that you didn’t consider? What is the data pointing to? It could be that it’s telling you to change direction or consider new factors or ideas that in the long run might be the key to achieve what you want. More than anything, it deepens your understanding of the problem you’re trying to solve.
No Problems, Only Choices
I say this often on my podcast that we need to look at the things we define as obstacles are not problems, but rather as opportunities to make choices. Viewing things from this perspective gives you more control over the situation as well, following what Epictetus taught that our choices are one of the things that are under our control.
Start by asking yourself, “What are my options? What have others done to solve this problem?” There is usually more than one solution, so think about what options you may not have considered. Most problems that we’re trying to solve aren’t ever truly unique, so try to find out how others have solved this problem. Once you have a list of options, start to look at where those options might take you. Logically walk down the path that each choice might follow and what the possible outcome might be. Also, don’t be afraid to take a path where you’ll end up learning something new.
Conclusion
We all want to accomplish something useful in our lives. We want to make an impact on the world but we often end up being our own worst enemy. I hope that the tips I’ve shared with you will be helpful in making progress towards the things you want to accomplish in your life. Most important is to be sure that your goals are ones that you choose because of who you will become rather than the outcome you hope to achieve. This makes it more likely to stick with them when things get hard. You’ll also have a greater reward because even if you fail, you’ll still grow and learn, and that is a goal worth pursuing.
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