Can you stay calm in the storm? Or do you let your emotions cloud your judgment, leading to poor decisions? Today I want to talk about the Stoic concept of ataraxia and how it can help you be more mentally tough.
“Don't hope that events will turn out the way you want, welcome events in whichever way they happen: this is the path to peace.”
— Epictetus, Enchiridion 8
The Problem
Everyone talks about the importance of resilience. Of bouncing back. Recovering after the challenge has passed.
But what if you were able to stay tranquil in the face of chaos?
Not bouncing. Not recovering. Not picking up the pieces after the storm. Staying level while it's happening.
That's the difference between reaction and response. Reaction is emotional whiplash. Response is deciding, in real time, that this doesn't get to own you.
Marcus Aurelius dealt with plagues, wars, betrayals. Seneca and Musonius Rufus were both exiled. Epictetus was born in to slavery. They didn't bounce back from their challenges. They stayed upright through them. All of them persisted and even thrived through difficulty.
Resilience is what you do after. Mental toughness is who you are during.
We're obsessed with "bouncing back" narratives - the comeback story, the phoenix rising from the ashes. But what about the person who's still in the fight? That's where real strength is tested. Modern ideas of resilience focuses on recovery, not endurance. This leaves us unprepared for sustained difficulty - the chronic illness, the long career setback, the relationship that takes years to repair
Ataraxia
The Stoics had a word for this different kind of strength, ataraxia.
Greek: α-ταραξία - without disturbance.
Ataraxia is not numbness or detachment. It's active tranquility. It’s about being able to stay focused and calm and maintain inner stability while external chaos rages.
It was often used to describe a necessary skill for a solider. Maintaining their cool on the battlefield so that could maintain their composure and make wise choices in chaotic circumstances.
It’s very much inline with what Marcus Aurelius wrote in Meditations:
”If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment."
—Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 4.3
Here’s the distinction:
- Resilience is elasticity. You bend, then spring back. You’re able to recover after fact.
- Ataraxia is stability. You remain upright through the storm.
- One is about recovery time, the other is about not needing recovery.
Ataraxia is one of the key components of mental toughness. It’s easy to stay calm and level headed when things are going well. But it matters most when things are difficult.
Marcus Aurelius example: Expand on his context - the Antonine Plague killed 5 million people, Germanic tribes threatened the borders, his own son was unfit to rule, his wife potentially unfaithful. He wrote the Meditations during military campaigns. This wasn't journaling after he'd recovered - it was philosophy while he was still in it.
The Reframe
Modern misconception:
We've confused Stoic tranquility with emotional suppression. This is one of the biggest misconceptions about Stoicism.
Ataraxia isn't "not feeling" your emotions. Rather, it's not being controlled by what you feel. It’s about being aware of and wisely managing your emotions so that you’re not brought down by the challenges, but rather you can thrive in them.
Emotions are signals. They let us know what is important to us. They are also the drivers of our actions. I would argue that if we cut them off, then we deprive ourselves of a rich source of information needed to make wise decisions.
Viktor Frankl in Man's Search for Meaning:
"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response."
Being mentally tough means that you’re able to consistently find that space and wisely choose your response.
Response vs. Reaction: Break down what this actually looks like:
Reaction: automatic, emotional, hijacked by the moment
Response: chosen, considered, sourced from your values
The space between the two is where ataraxia lives. It allows you reappraise and change how you think about a situation while it's happening.
Not cold, but calibrated:
- You can feel everything and still respond with wisdom.
- Ataraxia is hot courage, not cold indifference.
- It's choosing your response in real time, not shutting down.
One of the best ways that I’ve found to give myself some space when things are stressful is to stop and take a few deep breathes. Doing so brings more oxygen to your brains and helps your body release tension. Even just one deep breath helps to reset your physiology, and help you clear your head.
So the next time someone cuts you while driving or you can feel yourself getting annoyed at your kids, take a breath. Then use that pause to wisely choose your next response.
Objectivity
A key component of ataraxia is objectivity. You separate the facts of a situation from your emotions and opinions. Then you’re able to see things as they are, unclouded by bias and emotional pressure.
You see where your emotions are pushing you one way or another. You see your opinions as just conjecture.
One the best exercises I use is what I call, “Just the Facts”. This is where I list out all the things that I know for sure. Things that could be proven in a court of law.
For example, let’s say you send a text to your friend about something that’s important to you. Hours go by and you don’t hear back from them. Your mind starts to come up with all kinds of assumptions of why they haven’t responded.
“Maybe they’re mad at me.”
“Maybe they don’t care.”
“Maybe it’s not important to them.”
You can feel your anxiety starting to spike.
But let’s look at the facts. All that’s happened is that you sent a text and they haven’t responded.
That’s it.
All those assumptions are based on your own opinions and emotions. You don’t have any idea why they haven’t responded, and until you have more facts, you can’t form an opinion.
This is why Epictetus reminds:
"Men are disturbed not by things, but by the views which they take of them."
— Epictetus, Enchiridion 5
Training
So why is building mental toughness so hard? Why is it so hard to stay cool when dealing with big and small struggles in our daily lives?
We understand that we should pause and choose our response rather than react. It seems like something that makes sense. I’ve talked about this idea many times on my podcast. If you read any books on Stoicism, this idea is paramount in their philosophy. But we still get reactive rather than choosing our responses. When emotions spike it’s hard to remember what Epictetus taught his pupils or what Seneca wrote in his letters.
It’s not a character flaw. It’s not a lack of willpower or understanding.
It’s a lack of training.
Most adults are never trained how to regulate their emotions. How to stay disciplined under pressure. Persist and push through when we run into failure.
We can read all the books we want and listen to more podcasts, but that can only take you so far. While they help you understand the ideas, understanding breaks down when you hit reality.
Training is what changes behavior. Just like an athlete with a training program. And just like an athlete’s training program, mental toughness is built through practice, repetition, and structure.
Not just good ideas, but something to build lasting change.
“Becoming a carpenter or pilot, we realize, requires some formal training. Is it unreasonable to suppose that it will take more than just the desire to be good or bad – that the student of philosophy will also have to learn a few things of his own?”
— Epictetus, Discourses II, 14.10
That’s why I created a program called Build an Unbreakable Mind, that helps you to train your mental toughness with skills like:
- Emotional regulation
- Discipline
- Self-Awareness
- Reframing failure
It’s designed to help you stay steady when life gets loud.
Enrollment for the January cohort is open now. Early bird pricing is available through Jan 14th, and we start on Jan 26th. Seats are limited to keep the Q&A meaningful.
Now who is this for and who it not for. If you’re looking for something to passively consume hoping you’ll make some changes, this is not for you. This is for people that are willing to go deep and do the work to make big changes. It’s for people that want a mental operating system they can rely on.
If this resonates with you, you can learn more and enroll at https://stoic.coffee/unbreakable
Conclusion
Seneca, in his book On the Tranquility of Mind wrote:
"Nothing happens to the wise man against his expectation... because he never assumes that everything will go as he planned, but as it might go."
When we develop our mental toughness, we’re able to roll with the punches. We stay on our feet when things are tough. We stay level through the challenges in our lives.
Don’t get me wrong. Resilience is valuable, because we need to recover. But ataraxia is what gets you through. The goal isn't to never bend. It's to not break while you're bending.
So the next time someone tells you to be resilient, to bounce back - remember Marcus Aurelius writing philosophy in a war tent. He wasn't bouncing. He was staying upright.
That's the work.
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